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Writing Meme

stolen from barcardivodka and complexlight

the meme...Collapse )

Well, that was interesting. I've done this really to clarify my thoughts and get optomistic that I will, again, one day write regulary and be happy and finish all my WIPs. Sorry if I came across a bit judgy!

(It's a bit rushed too, as I have a whining child demanding to be fed and wanted to get it done in one go - sorry if I offended anyone! Please, do comment...)



Is anyone else having problems with AO3 today? It keeps freezing then vanishing!

Bloody typical, the one day I'm both well enough, have enough mental spoons and have free time, it's down!

Urgent help needed!

Can any of my UK flist on here with any knowledge of autism and child protection, domestic violence and chilkd protection, and the social services in general, contact me immediately.

It's happening again, the SS have totally the wrong information, are not listening or accepting evidence and are pushing us to something that will harm BK, like with the flexi schooling back in 2010 - only worse, it will trigger exactly what they believe they will prevent: her father turning up to the house with threatening behaviour. Once BK stops texting him, he'll forget about her, but send him court papers etc, he will get aggressive.

The CAB have told me to call the SS's bluff and tell them I will not see a solictior for an injuction (they also advise if i have to go ahead, it is a non molestation order I will need, not an injunction, as that will achieve nothing in protecting my daughter, and that is more complex and wil require both of us in court).

I can't get hold of her therapist, who has spoken to one social worker. I keep trying Women's Aid, who might have experience, but no luck.

The social worker from the Hub is not in. the separate social worker who called, unaware of the Hub, didn't give me his name. And as if goes on I get too scared to tell them NO!!!


I just want to try to get into a routine of getting her to do her balance therapy, her new physiotherapy, take her meds on time, her education, and her acting with my limited 'spoons'. And to deal with all the meltdowns coming from her upset at giving up courses, being more ill, and the PIP assessment - whch triggered her to run out of the house (and get on a bus to Wycombe as she had no money for Starbucks, and then somehow decide she didn't want to worry her Nanny so go to her father's, who took her phone and prevented her from leaving)

Btw, the police here felt there was no need for SS involvement and were satisfied it was a one off and I could keep her safe. this is all tick boxing from bureaucrats that led to this threat - from a no names consultation too, and from a well meaning Wycombe officer who wanted us to have support - which probably exists in Buckinghamshire through council funded charities, but there is nothing in Oxfordshire - you could be dyuiing of cancer with 4 kids, 2 on the spectrum and you'd get nothing, The last respite for non verbal, low functioning kids closed 6 months ago. and still 70 million cuts to come...
This Monday BK had her first controlled assessment in her English Lang GCSE - after just 6 weeks at college, only 3 in proper classes due to the disorgnaisation, and with the assessemnt for the dyslexia only the Friday before. she had to write an arguemntative peice, rhetoric if you will, and her topic that she chose was, "Only Women, Actors and Gay Men Wear Makeup ", which I guess has many of you grinning, when you think of her major conribution to our Lewis AU :) She got to write it, preapre it, and was allowed to take 50 words of prompts and spellings - guess what, she just took spellings, although she is not allowed to lose more than 5% of the mark due to the dyslexia. She was stressed all weekend, I was stressed all weekened, as she did nothing but procrastonate and no revision or prep or anything, Baring in mind the meltdowns if she had to write anything by hand even three or four years ago, you undderstand my apprehension at her not writing it out over and over again. However, she treated it like a script she had to learn, learnt it on the bus, reproduced it verbatum in half the time and had 45 minutes to check her punctuation, etc and tidy it up. I am so proud of her, really. if she lets me, I might post her arguemnt too, as it was very good :)

I'm struggling on, still no where near as many base spoons as before the flu. My target is still a healthy meal, two more healthy snacks, our meds on time, Bk on the right buses and in class clean(ish) and with the right paperwork. Slowly getting there. Only managed to write anything three times since I last posted, but one was a bit of Poisoned Minds in long hand in Magic Cafe, while eating yummy food :)

Henrietta has a bucket list (did I say that I've been told she is obsolete and the wheelchair maintenence people have told the Nuffield she needs to be replaced, but we bent the rules last time as BK was 7 and needed me, and with cut backs, lets call in my bucket list too :) (actually I'm crying inside, too many changes and I love my powered wheelchair, thank you flowerpotgirl for immortalising her in a crack fic!).

Anyway, the first week of college, when it was chaos and there were days off, we went to Stonehenge at last. owlbsurfinbird you were so right, it was so easy :) Becasue of the lack of lifts at the moment we went to Sailsbury via Bath so we could be on platform 1, which has the ramp and not a lift, and came back via Basingstoke and Reading so we arrived on platform one :) There was a Tour bus that stopped just outside the station who tried to sell us an all inclusive ticket which he claimed would be cheaper but BK wouldn't have it, which was just as well as she got in for free as my 'carer' (and free tickets she can always be my carer!).  the centre was amazing and had the most divine lentil and tomato soup that was gluten free, dairy free, nut free, coconut free and BK wants me to try to recreate it (oregano I think). I had always worreid ti would be a disappointment, too touristy, too fenced off, and although it is both, as the bus from the cnetre to the stones approached them I could feel the power and spirituality and age of them (and no, it isn't anyway psychosesmatic, I go backwards, have a look at a wheelchair bay on a bus). We spent about an hour there, just sitting and soaking it in. there were some art students taking shots of a friend in various historical costumes. BK took loads of pictures and I tried to get them off her facebook page to show you some, but it wouldn't work.

Not on her list, but connected, that September we also went to Avebury the next week, and parked BK in the museum and I walked around with my crutches for the first time since BK was two. I was in agony and bed bound for a week but it was worth it. and this is funny, for years we've talked about talkign the crutches but didn't know how, so we spent ages trying to tie them on the back and then suddenly I looked at the mysterious bar behind the seat back that I could never figure out why it was there, and the crutches posted through and we're secure. *faceplam 'oh, that's what it's for! then the week after that was my birhtday and Mum drove us to Uffington to White Horse Hill and we had a picnic and enjoyed the last of the late summer/early autumn sun and warmth

Next on Hen's bucket list is the other place - yes, tomorrow when BK breaks up for half term we are off to Cambridge on the coach for a couple of nights in Premier Inn. I booked so far in advance I got a good deal. and on Monday we're off to Bath for the Pump House, Assembly Rooms and baths and at some point, with our combined birthday monies, we are going to go to the London Eye.

treats to stop me going crazy, as day to day, my mind is failing me more and more - twice today on the way to the laundrette and once last week in East Oxford on the way to Magic Cafe I completely did not know where I was, or even when or was, or sort of not even who I was (in time and space, I knew  who I was, just not when in my timeline or why I was in a wheelchair) it was terrifying. is this normal too for perimenopause, stress and ME/CFS brain fogginess? Because it is truly far more scary than forgetting appointment. or to phone the doctor, or where important docuuments are or what day it is... BK has the transfer from her Statement to the new system and a PIP claim to replace her DLA and I am flunking out on all of it, every time I rememeber I must phone our GP I'm out and forget when I get back (no credit on phone at mo, just free text bolt-ons). It's worryng and frustrating and scary but not as much as really not knowing where you are, as if you've just beamed in form another universe...

Talking of which I am loving Phillip Hathaway - no spoilers, but as BK predicated, it might make finishing the AU case fics and back ground bits hard, as he is pusing Joe out of my head :( And I am loving River on BBC1 (watching Lewis on plus 1!)

And I am not loving new series of DW. I hate Stephen Moffat. Doctor Who has defined me since I was about three or four, the Doctor kept me safe, I took his example, and I went through a lot of shit in the family and with school, and I didn't activily believe in God til I was 9 and have a religion of any kind til I was 15 so there was always Dcotor Who to cliing to in the abuse and bullying. If I'm not a Doctor Who fan, who am I? Sorry, exestential flu.

And the spellcheck has vanished, so apologies for that.

Finally, majordaiko thank you so much for all your lovely messages, I will reply as soon as I have spoons. Enjoy your summer sun xxx

AM xxx
Okay, so much news and updates but no spoons, so in the meantime, for my flist that love Midsomer Murders, the view from my bus stop after my big grocery shop at Waitrose: (big apoogies for my unstable, shaking hands)

When i got off the bus the Saturday before last there were buskers a week early, publising Bunkfest, and literally, in the Market Square, I tell no lie, as I got off the bus, the man with the guitar was playing and singing The Ballard of Midsomer County. We did go to Bunkfest with my Mum, brother, sister in law and niece for a while for BK's birthday, but I was too tired to take snaps and we were going to go back Sunday, but ME and vertigo and spoon lack got in the way.

News, updates and thank yous and message replies soon, I do promise, as soon as I'm able!


BK's plays:

Sleeping Beauty - a modern retelling, at the Cornerstone, Didcot, as part of its Showcase. Their play is the entire second act, and BK has a bigger role than some, with some complex lines (believe me, we've been practicing them all day, there is some amazing technobabble she has to get to grips with!) Beauty is male and in a coma, can Dr Charming wake him up? When will she know she is in love with him? BK is the Student Doctor, as she is always the Nurse and never Juliet, but she prefers it that way :)

Cornerstone Box Office, £3 (£2 conc) 01235 515144 or online

BK's SOYPA show this year. not such a big role as she has been ill but everyone has worked so hard and deserved 3 full houses. Lovely theatre in medieval setting

After SOYPA there is an even bigger and more challenging role for BK at the Unicorn theatre in the daring piraratical maritine musical 'All At Sea'from GOBO on 15th July at 6.30pm.

PM me for tickets

The drama teacher and director of GOBO and Young Directions at th Cornerstone is a budding Mike Leigh and often her class creat their characters and brainstorm ideas before she goes away to write the script. she is aamzing and inspirational for these kids. She is struggling to get funding for GOBO for proper apprenticeships, but unfortuantely more and more in the UK acting is becoming something for the priveledged :(

Having said that, BK has an auditon for an agency on Sunday before all these shows! Keep her in your thoughts!

(BTW,the drama teacher A is also an extra in every Lewis seasons 1-4) we've spotted her twice, you get a really good view in The Point of Vanishing - she is the earnest short heaired student in the art class. and we've seen her on the phone behind Lewis and hathaway while they drink coffee in the Buttery's outside bit, but I can't remember where. Have a look at her in The Point of Vanishing and play spot A, it has replaced out spot Colin Dexter game :) and if anyone fancies doing BK a screen cap of her teacher she 9and I) would love it!)

    Brilliant news!!!

    The physiotherapist phoned this morning to say she had recieved the referral from the consultant and is coming to our house to make an initial assessment to begin BK's treatment to hopefully stop her feeling so ill and live her life :D

    So happy :)

    In other news, my ME continues to get worse, but my daughter may get well, so that's all I care about right now :)

    On the whole, it was crap... :(

    Feeling totally hopeless really. BK has been so down since the consultation I worry about her mental state again. On the whole, unsupported. In brief, as I am so tired...

    The bad news. No point for further teats at this time (read no funds for teenage girl). More notes lost. The doctor was an unsympathetic arrogant twat of the old school. He had no understanding of ASD at all. He suggested that there could have been an infection and damage that had healed leaving behind the symptoms (functional) or given her age and gender it could be psychological. He asked about Aspergers and why I home schooled and focused on the word 'anxiety'. ALL BK heard in his long ramble about not knowing and possibly fucntional or even a psychological element was ' blah blah blah making it up and mad' and has been very negative and upset and hard on herself.

    As I said
    he had no understanding of ASD and how a person on the spectrum might hide or not show suffering, pain or distress outwardly, and frequently confused her, and grew annoyed with me when I translated or gave her prompts for her very poor memory so she could understand the questions and remember the time of her life he was asking about. he saw me as an overbearing mother I think! Made me feel so small and useless. All I want is my daughter well and for him to understand what she is saying and vice versa - you know, when she quotes a scene from Lewis, someone seems to know the quote, the character,the scene and extrapolate her emotions from it! And she, with an auditory short term memory fucntion who will take what is said literally, needs a translator too. Not been made to feel this way by a professional since I began this last lot of home education and we got the social workers off our backs.

    But there are  the positives. the specialist has accessed the thearpy the original consultant wanted for BK back in May but was denied to her on her age - to retrain the brain not to notice the worlkd spinning constantly as it were. She will come weekly to treat BK at home a week from when she gets ther referal letter. We've met her and she seems on the ball. GP says she will get her secretary to chase the letter daily after a fortnight if we've heard nothing - after all, she and I are both still waiting for the letters from May and July!!!

    At last!!!

    It is 0145 GMT and neither BK and I are not asleep due to ill health/pain/vertigo/delete as appropriate plus anxiety and worry. The wheelchair taxi to take us to the JR is booked for 0715 GMT!!! After all the long waits, the guesses, disagreements on possible diagnosis and transfers and generally not having a clue, being too busy to let us or the GP know, and then the consultant being seriously ill, we are off to see the 'ENT House' to hopefully figure out what is wrong with BK. What if he hasn't a clue? While making a list of all of her sympotoms I find out she has had a stabbing pain in the ear and temple all the time but has not yet mentioned it to me, the GP, register, nurse or technician during the tests!!! She didn't think it important, it was just there. NO ONE had asked her before - 'do you have a pain in your ear?' How typically autistic. I only hope as well as an expert in unexplained vertigo that this doctor knows enough about autism to not dismiss the sudden mention of pain after 15 months as a NT teen looking for attention and not take her seriously.

    (my own health has been very, very poor - owlbsurfinbird - I missed your birthday :( So sorry. I hope you had a fantastic day xxx)

    So please, whatever your beliefs, positive vibes, positive thoughts, good wishes, prayers, asking the universe, reiki, white spells, anything, just sent it BK's way for this morning from 0900GMT onwards. Thank you x


    It's done and posted. that's the last time I accept a challenge until BK is well, my health is not so poor and probably until I'm 'changed', and of course, BKL is getting more hits and kudos than me because my daughter is not only awesome in taking over one prompt but in her skills :)


    here's mine


    And the good news is the next three chapters of Poisoned Minds are nearly ready for posting...

    Okay, that's it for fic stuff, there is lots of news but my head is empty and in pain, literally drained by this lewis_challenge :(

    I look forward to be able to be fit enough to read everybody else's, hoping tomorrow. Right, I'm away to bed with a pot of tea and dark chocolate covered rice cakes :)



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