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Cold Summer

Set six years ago this bank holiday weekend, written from a month later, posted just over five years ago, it was the saviour of my sanity, as you'll see if you read the angry notes!


I am really beginning to think I'll never be capable of writing properly again. I tried a bit of Rare and Precious Chain yesterday and my memory and concentration just would not function!


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
May. 27th, 2016 06:43 pm (UTC)
I haven't written for some years, but I believe I could if my hands improve because I have had long periods of not writing before and fanfic made me start again.
So don't despair, maybe think about putting a voice recorder with software on your birthday/Christmas list -was about £60 new online? I haven't got the hang of mine yet but that is lack of energy for non-essentials -currently nagging about revision, showering and organising people from my bed- rather than a problem with it. It is on the to-do list for the summer so you never know.
Fatigue saps your mind but look at all the work you have shared over the last 5 years and marvel at your own awesomeness in managing it.
May. 27th, 2016 06:56 pm (UTC)
I can't really do that, it doesn't work for me, the way my brain works is very much words but not voice - yes I did tell these originally as bedtime stories, but that was very different, painting images in my daughter's mind, making up dialogue with her help. Until this stupid illness attacked my brain so fully, I had a photographic memory, but I needed to see words, to read or write, hearing never works for me!

Fatigue is one thing, it's this seizure/mini stroke/still waiting for results and neurologist to tell which/both plus stress. Tons and tons of stress, and a lot of that won't go any time soon really, as once I'll through this round of fighting it'll be my turn for PIP transfer, then my daughter will turn 18 and more PIP and CTC and Home Ed and ChB battles... Writing was my balm for the stress, but this is off the scale. I can only hope when the UN investigation reports, the govt will be forced to stop using Atos, and maybe those of us given awards for life will just automatically be transferred - after all, life should mean life, not until the political whims of a govt and the hatred of the media decide to blame the disabled for the recession, right?

And thank you for your marvel - I look back and marvel at myself! Sure pig-headedness I think. That and a lack of choice, what alternative did I have? Let her go into care? Have a breakdown left in school unsupported?

In the meantime, I'm not sure if I have posted my edited version or the old one is still up now! Whoops! My mind!

And I was kind of hoping for comments on my work, really as a distraction ;) but thanks for your endless support <3 x
May. 28th, 2016 04:39 pm (UTC)
I feel like my first reply was a bit blunt - blame the exhaustion and my daughter suddenly coming home half way through typing :P

I really appreciate all your support, and kindness and comments. I'm feeling particularly isolated adn alone right now, and if it wasn't for you on here and ao3 and your daughter and her friends on facebook I would feel like I was absolutely the social pariah and outcast, not just in general society for being disabled and struggling to raise a disabled child, on benefits, in social housing, the demon of the right wing media and govt, but in my own family. particularly over the last few weeks, its been unbearable, really, on top of all the stress of fighting for what we need and losing the only support we had, and living in fear of another ss referral... :'(

Sorry, moaning again. No one else on my flist comments any more, not on my rl posts or my fics. I expect they're either all busy or moved to more modern forums, like tumblr :)
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )



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