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advice please

I'd never thought I'd miss my neighbours so much - the alcoholic drug dealer and her shouting and her teenage mother for a daughter, or the lovely but weird couple and their 5 noisy boys and their chain smoking, and certainly not the ex prostitute who was an ardent UKIP supporter (why, I have no idea, as she was disabled and her history, well...). all 3 houses in the two semis were completely refitted (say rebuilt inside!) before going onto the market at 'economic rent' and the new people are all very quiet (nice) but very judgemental and do not so much as smile, blank us when we say hi, and even walk in and slam the door when they see us. Today BK suggested they think we're the druggies. So, feeling so isolated and alone, more so now since I was attacked in Abingdon and lacking any confidence since my fall, I thought, what is I write a note introducing us and explaining a bit why we seem so housebound and are still in pjs all day and why sometimes there is shouting. It can't make matters worse, can it? Please, someone help me decide how to approach this. the days of smiley, chatty aparagusmama are gone, and it's bad enough having the stranger spit out 'scrounger, you should all be in a camp' in the supermarket, without feeling the next door neighbours and the other near neighbour are thinking it. If they are, no harm done, and I'd rather be hated fro being disabled than being something I'm not and never have been. I may have been married to a drug addict, but I've not used drugs and I'm teetotal. I don't use cope with caffeine!

Dear new neighbour.
Hi. I thought I'd introduce my daughter and myself as these days people never get to chat do they, leading busy lives. You moved in at a bad time for us. I have ME and last year had a kind of mini stroke. Meanwhile my daughter, who is autistic and whom I have teach at home as she could cope with school/they weren't meeting her need, is recovering from a had injury from nearly 3 years ago and may have epilepsy 9you may have noticed the wires on her head last month!). I know it might seem strange that we are always at home and go out occasionally in taxis, but the taxis are mostly for my daughter to take her to classes and her tutor.
This summer we slept in the tent as my house was converted for me to sleep downstairs for when I next have a relapse. Well, it's here, I've had the most dreadful relapse, but the housing association have spent the last 6 weeks not fixing my stairlift so life is hard.
You may have seen the paramedic and ambulance last Tuesday - I had a bad fall and cut my head in several places and injured my back. This is directly due to not having the stairlift. It's a bit of the final straw.
I know that the media like to portray the disabled as scroungers, but I didn't chose this. I was a research and teaching assistant at Brookes university waiting for my funded PhD to be finalised in 2000. I studied for 2 degrees there already, and worked my way through both at Tescos. Before cancer made me think again about studying I worked as a civil servant. I paid tax and NI until I couldn't. Does that make me a scrounger? My daughter said you might think we are drug addicts. We most certainly are not, we neither do drugs nor drink alcohol. Anyway, that's us, and if I seem rude, I'm in pain, and if I seem spaced, I'm exhausted, and if you hear shouting, my daughter is stressed and frightened by the worsening condition of her Mum, so please be patient with us and say hi at times if you want :) I hope you enjoy living here, it's mostly a nice place to live :)

So? If I send it to the 3 couples, is it weird? Will they think any worse of me? Or will it do no harm or might even help me feel less isolated and hated?


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 18th, 2016 04:17 am (UTC)
gosh, you have been doing it tough lately. big hugs.

I think that a short introductory - welcome to the neighbourhood note, is a good idea, and maybe mention that you have a few health/mobility issues but leave it at that.

you don't know that they think you are a drug dealer or a scrounger. and you also don't know what other stuff maybe going on in their own lives that they have to deal with.


Oct. 18th, 2016 01:05 pm (UTC)
I agree with the first comment.

Welcome them, explain very briefly why you can't actually go knocking at the door with apple pie, tell them your names so that they can say 'Hi' meaningfully and feel introduced, but leave any details till somebody asks. They will all have different agendas and experiences so a one-size-fits-all letter might worry or offend some even if it clarifies things for others.

I do think you should definitely write your letter, just not at quite that length.
Oct. 18th, 2016 07:03 pm (UTC)
I think writing is a nice idea, but "you have moved in at a bad time for us" sounds a bit unwelcoming! The other commenters are right - don't give them personal details, beyond saying that "I have ME, which is why I use a wheelchair and my daughter is autism which has lead to me homeschooling her'. I think I'd put something like

Dear new neighbour,

I thought I'd introduce myself and my daughter, as people never seem to get to chat, these days, and I wanted to welcome you to the neighbourhood. I'm [name] and my daughter is [name], and we've lived here since [blah]. You might have noticed that I use a wheelchair and that my daughter is at home during the day. I have ME and a couple of other health/mobility issues, and my daughter has autism which has led to me homeschooling her. Sometimes all of the above makes it tricky to stop to chat but I wanted to say hello and hopefully we'll speak soon.

Welcome to your new home,

Oct. 21st, 2016 04:44 pm (UTC)
I think this is a wonderful response -- short, friendly, and doesn't give away too much personal information. Not to mention that if you get to know them and decide they are trustworthy, you can reveal more in person as time goes by.
Oct. 18th, 2016 10:20 pm (UTC)
I agree too!
I also liked alittleacademe's shorter version as people will take on board an overview but may not be able/willing/have the time for more. Plus, it gives them something to talk to you about if they have questions (and they may not, but don't think that means they are not interested).
Moving is stressful and a busy/fraught person can seem judgemental when all they are thinking about is getting the telephone connected or what to have for tea!
Give them the notes then give them time.
Virtual hugs and I'd send spoons if I had any to spare.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )



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